kissoffools (wakeyourheart) wrote,

hold onto my sweater, boy

Title: Hold Onto My Sweater, Boy
Author: kissoffools / wakeyourheart
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kris and Adam are going to be apart for five months, while Adam tours and Kris is in the studio. The boys come up with a way to stay connected during the time apart.
Disclaimer: Oh come on, you know by now that this isn't real life.
Notes: Written for the kradam_ai Valentine's Day Fic Fest. Word count: 1670. The original prompt was "Kris is away during his and Adam's first Valentine's Day together. He's upset about it, but Adam finds a way to surprise him and make it as special/romantic a Valentine's Day as he's ever had". And I totally mucked with it. Oops. Loosely based around the idea of "The Sweater Song" by Hedley. This is for fictionnreality, who gave me the original prompt and encouraged me to write, and for arizonaaa, who voiced the idea for a Kradam fic based around this song before I ever did. Lots of love to painted_birdie, who gave this a read-over for me.

The second leg of Adam’s tour starts off New Year’s Day, and Kris doesn’t like that one bit.

New Year’s Eve brings in a lot of invitations for both Adam and Kris – Katy Perry’s rented out a club, Jamie Foxx is having a rooftop party – but both boys check “cannot attend” on their invites. Then they lie together in their living room, with the fire blazing even though it’s Los Angeles and therefore totally unnecessary, and watch silently as the clock strikes midnight.

“Five months is a long time,” Kris mumbles into Adam’s chest, and Adam’s hand moves up immediately to run through his hair.

“I told you that you can come to some stops,” Adam reminds him, but Kris shakes his head, rumpling Adam’s shirt.

“I’m going to be busy in the studio,” Kris says. “I can maybe make some time in April, but nothing before then.”

“Well,” Adam says, slowly sitting up on the couch, pulling Kris up with him, “we’ll have emails. And phone calls. And texts. I can dirty text you every night before I go onstage.” There’s a flirty edge to Adam’s voice that makes Kris laugh as he leans against him.

“I won’t say no to that,” he agrees. But he sighs. He and Adam are used to having different schedules, are accustomed to flying back and forth across the country on separate planes. But this time, Adam will be on the road while Kris travels only as far as the studio every day. Before, Kris has had a busy schedule to keep him from missing Adam too much. And now he’ll have to mope around the house at night while Adam’s off playing shows and meeting thousands of exciting people. Kris doesn’t believe his pouting is too unreasonable.

“I’m going to miss you,” Kris says, his voice low, and a little noise escapes Adam’s lips somewhere above Kris’s ear that tells him that Adam knows what that feels like.

There’s a pause from Adam, and then – “Wait here.”

Adam quickly hops up from the couch, and Kris almost topples over as Adam darts out of the room and up the stairs. He’s back almost immediately, his black hoodie clutched in his hands. He drops it in Kris’s lap and Kris looks up at him curiously.

“Hold onto my sweater while I’m gone,” Adam says. “For when you miss me too much.”

Kris pulls on the sweatshirt, and he can smell Dior and hair gel and sweat, and it’s such a weird combination that is so definitively Adam that he can’t help but smile. Swimming in the sweater, he turns his grin to Adam, who immediately starts to laugh.

“You look like a drowned puppy. It’s too big on you.”

“Don’t care,” Kris says stubbornly. “Thank you.”

Adam’s smile softens a little, and he moves forward, knees planting on the couch on either side of Kris’s thighs as he settles himself in Kris’s lap. “You’re welcome,” he says quietly, hands resting at the back of Kris’s neck as he kisses him.

“You should take one of my shirts with you,” Kris says when they pull back to breathe. “For when you miss me, too.”

Adam trails kisses over Kris’s jawbone and smirks against his skin. “I don’t think one of your shirts will fit me.”

Kris grips onto Adam’s arms tightly. “Take one anyway? Please?” He kisses Adam’s neck. “Please?”

When Adam nods and says he will, Kris leans back into the couch and pulls Adam down with him.


i forgot how hard touring was, is the first thing Kris reads when he opens his email two weeks after Adam’s departure. He leans back in his desk chair, curling one leg up under the other, and continues to read.

i mean, it’s obviously a lot of fun. we’re getting huge crowds out every day, and every time i think there’s no way the fans can get any louder, they do. they really love my music, kris. that’s such a cool feeling.

it’s just that… hours on the road kind of suck, you know? of course you know, you’ve been there. but it’s tough when you’re on a fifteen-hour overnight drive to atlanta, and tommy’s got some wafer-thin blonde pressed beneath him in his bunk, and you can hear all the sounds they’re making and you can’t believe it but even that’s making you lonely.

and not, like, lonely for just anyone. if i wanted just anyone, let’s be honest, there are at least a dozen guys at every stop who are just begging for it. but nope, all i want is the one who never had to beg for it, and it’s my own damn luck that you’re halfway across the country from me.

anyway. it’s a little after three and i’m probably not making any sense, so it’s probably best that i put the laptop away now and get some sleep.

miss you.

Kris doesn’t quite know what to say to that. He’s never been good with words unless they’re in the form of lyrics, and he’s pretty sure that if he tried to type out an email response, tried to describe how lonely it is coming home to an empty house and a cold bed every night, he’d end up sounding like a lovesick moron. Or possibly a girl.

So instead, Kris flicks on his webcam and smiles as the flash goes off. Then he attaches the photo of himself in Adam’s sweater to an email, with the words “i’m still in your sweater” as a caption, and sends it off into the night.


It rains on the first day of February in Los Angeles, and Kris has to stumble through puddles and gets splashed by a passing bus, so when he finally collapses on the couch at home and dials Adam’s number, he can’t quite help it when the first words out of his mouth are, “Come back home.”

Kris hears Adam’s faint chuckle through the line, and immediately he remembers what that chuckle feels like when he’s pressed against Adam’s chest. “Miss me, do you?”

“Mhm,” Kris mumbles, stretching out on the couch with the phone pressed tight against his ear.

“You know I miss you too,” Adam says. “I wish I could come home.”

“You should,” Kris says, and maybe he’s being irrational and he’d definitely feel guilty if Adam actually listened to him, but he doesn’t stop talking. “Just tell everyone on the tour to screw it, you have a very lonely boyfriend back home who is in desperate need of attention.”

“And then I’d hop a plane and show up at the studio and you’d cancel the rest of your day and then we’d have mind-blowing sex, right?”


“You’re so cute when you’re insistent,” Adam laughs. “But you know that I can’t.”

“I know,” Kris says with a resigned sigh. “From now on, I’m scheduling all my tours at the same time as yours. Being home without you sucks.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Adam agrees, and then a silence falls between them. It isn’t awkward or tense – it’s just filled with a mutual understanding. Their lives are going to continue like this for a long time, and both know this isn’t going to get any easier.

“Your sweater doesn’t smell like you anymore,” Kris blurts out after a minute.


“Your sweater,” Kris says a little miserably, and the more he talks, the more he realizes this is the reason he’s felt so lonely lately. “I’ve been wearing it every night before I go to bed. And it’s been a month, and now… now it smells like me and I can’t find you in it anymore.”

When Adam speaks again, he sounds a little stunned. “I miss you so much, Kris.”

“Yeah,” Kris agrees, curling his legs up underneath him. “Me too.”


Kris can’t believe he’s spending Valentine’s Day alone.

Last Valentine’s Day, his first one with Adam, they’d had a bit of time together in New York City before being separated by shows in different parts of the country. But this Valentine’s Day, Kris spends hours in the studio, singing a song about a boy and a broken heart, and then he treks home alone, Chinese takeout for one in the passenger seat of his car.

But when he unlocks the front door and finds Adam beaming at him from the couch, his takeout is left forgotten on the front hall table.

Kris crushes himself against Adam almost at once, arms wrapped around his middle and face planted into his shoulder. Adam’s laughing, and the rumbling of his body surrounds Kris, and Kris can’t quite believe this is real.

“What are you doing here?” Kris asks into Adam’s chest.

“I couldn’t let you spend the next three months with a sweater that didn’t smell like me anymore,” Adam says with a smile, and Kris pulls back to see that yes, Adam’s sweater is back on his own body again.

“Thank you,” Kris murmurs, and Adam raises his arms and pulls the sweater off, handing it back to Kris.

“I think it’ll be good now,” he says. And it takes Kris a moment before he realizes that his own shirt, the white one with Michael’s silhouette, is stretched taught against Adam’s chest.

Adam follows his gaze and laughs. “Told you it wouldn’t fit.”

“But you wore it anyway?” Kris says, pleased.

“Under every outfit I could,” Adam admits. And it’s so cheesy, so ridiculously sappy that Kris can’t bite back the grin on his face. Instead of trying, he steps forward and grasps the hem of the t-shirt, tugging on it insistently.

“What -?” Adam asks, looking down at Kris. “You want it back?”

“No,” Kris says, reaching up to place a kiss against the hollow of Adam’s throat. “You can keep it. But for now, I want to see you without it.”

Kris flashes Adam a mischievous grin, and Adam has that shirt off within seconds.

Tags: character: adam lambert, character: kris allen, character: tommy joe ratliff, genre: slash, pairing: kradam, purpose: fic prompt, rating: pg-13, subject: american idol 8, year: 2010

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